Goodbye, goodbye, I'll always remember you...

Well, 2012 was a definitely a good year.  The 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, 12/12/12, the End of the World, etc.  Yes, I enjoyed 2012 very much.  I'll be sad to see it go.  I watched it come in; I don't know if I'll watch it go out.

Tomorrow we start 2013.  A new year, new resolutions, new ages, new activities to look forward to.

...Except I'll be looking back at past years, wishing I was there instead of here now.  Oh well.  I've got nowhere to look but forward, right?  That's where we're going, isn't it?

I hope so.

I wrote a book in 2012.  I learned a lot about myself in 2012.  I went to my favorite place--England--in 2012.  2012 was a perfect year for me.


Unopened letters,
Waltzing through my open window.
Begging me to see what I've missed.
They are my memories in material form,
But not all memories are worth remembering.
So maybe I won't open those letters for a while.


--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"Everything's not what you see/It's over again"

If you haven't seen the new movie Lincoln, you definitely should.  It is an absolute masterpiece, if I may say so.  I loved it.  I was just about the only young person in the theater - everyone else had gray hair.  I'm actually used to going to movies with a lot of old people because the movies I like happen to be the ones they're interested in as well.  Lincoln, The Young Victoria, The King's Speech - you know, I'm strange that way, but at least I'm learning new things, which is something I love to do.  People I know are like, "A science movie?  Who would want to see that?"  But I love watching "educational" movies.  Some people just don't understand.  I hope if you're reading this, you're one of those people who don't know many others who like what you do.

I also enjoy listening to the radio and watching ABC World News and interviews on YouTube.  It was through NPR that I heard Joe Queenan offer his opinions on libraries, bookstores, and book clubs.  I found it really funny.  He said something similar to: "Libraries are depressing because you know you can't read all the books" and "Book clubs.  They're just stupid."  Hilarious.

I have a really weird sense of humor, don't I?  My mom said I got it from her, since my dad is really tight about laughing at himself, but that's basically all I do, and everyone but my dad laughs at me (or, if not at me, about things I do and say).  Like the time I shut my finger in the window of my grandmother's car.  It was stupid, but I did it on purpose, actually.  I was seeing how closed the window could get before my finger couldn't fit anymore, and, believe me, I figured it out pretty quick once my finger got smushed.  I know "smushed" isn't a real word, but I'm going to use it anyway.

I say and do a lot of things without really thinking.  Once, when my family was driving through South Carolina, I asked, "Why are there so many South Carolina license plates?"  Huh.  I wonder why.  My brother insists that I need "professional help."  Pooh.  That's just crazy.  It's just my personality.  I can't fix it.  My personality gets on people's nerves a lot sometimes, like singing without really trying to hit all the notes, or singing in a chipmunk voice because I'm bored and can't find anything else to do.

Enough about me, sorry.  =)  (I'll try not to bore you.)

Running into walls
Throwing away laughter for tears
Sometimes that's all I think of.
It's not because I'm different
I take pride in what I do
I can use my voice to make people cry
But it's not something you would ever think to do,
Like running into walls.

--Emma Keynes


© 2012 Emma Keynes

"Keep calm and carry on..."

It's been a long while since I last posted, but my schoolwork has been so pressing that I've had no time.

Anyway, I thought I'd mention that right now I can barely talk because for the last hour, I sang

 There's a lovin' in your eyes all the way

If I listened to your lies would you say

I'm a man without conviction

I'm a man who doesn't know

How to sell a contradiction

You come and go, you come and go

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon

You come and go, you come and go

Lovin' would be easy if your colors were like my dreams

Red gold and green, red gold and green

over and over and over and over and over again while tapping out the basic drum beat on my thighs for, literally, an hour...and at the top of my lungs.  I've realized that when I do that, when I try to talk normally, I find I'm really hoarse, but when I start singing again, I have no problems making it sound good.  Of course, my parents weren't too happy with hearing that part of the song repeated (my mother calls me a "broken record"), and tried to talk me out of it.  But I was too busy singing, and nothing but severe threat of punishment - like loss of all ways to listen to music - can make me quit doing what I love most, other than writing.  I stuck by "keep calm and carry on" and when I do that (I can be quite stubborn sometimes - I mean, a lot of the time) I hear nothing but my music.

I forgot to mention one particular comment that I received for Halloween: "Oh, hey, it's Boy George.  You look very feminine."  Don't think I didn't say "Thank you!"

Blood rains on desert winds
Washing away the tears
That fill the eyes of those who hold their heavy hearts
Inside their fears and dreams
And their memories
Sweet, hard to forget
Forever lost nor seen again
Re-lived inside our minds

-- Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"I'll be back in time/Gotta get back in time"

So, a bit about my obsessive personality: I go through phases of artists that I listen to for months on end before moving on to another.  This has been a pattern ever since I was old enough to like something enough to hear it again.  It started with the radio--me, at about a year old, beating on my car seat, screaming at my mom to play a song again--but it "officially began" (according to my mom) with musicals, the first being "My Fair Lady."  Since then it has branched out to include not just musicals, but any type of music.  Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, Depeche Mode, The Police, "Pippin," Judy Garland, Paul Simon, Culture Club, Natalie Merchant, and Simon and Garfunkel are just a few.  (Just so you know, I count Paul Simon and Simon and Garfunkel as two different artists, or phases.)  My mother continues to say I sound like a broken record, and I think you can figure out what that means.

I hope I'm not the only one.  It just seems like it to me, since I don't know anyone else who's even slightly interested in what I am.  My parents aren't any better.  My mom said, "I don't know which is worse: listening to modern music or reliving the 80's."  Haha.  Funny.  I would have loved to have been born in the 50's or 60's so I could live all the music I love.

Oh well.  I guess I just have to be content with watching all the best artists die while the worst ones still live, and have decades left to.  I have the old music in my head so it won't disappear with them, and I'm sure many other people are doing the same--just NOT people my age, really, which is very unfortunate.

But, to my parents' credit, they were the ones who didn't listen to trashy music when I was little.  They listened to Alison Krauss, Johnny Cash, Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles, Bob Dylan, and James Taylor.  I have to say, I can't stand Bob Dylan's voice, but some of his songs are pretty good.  It was also my seventh grade music teacher who introduced me to Depeche Mode, Michael Jackson, and Culture Club.  So I'll say thanks, even though my parents can't stand me singing the same songs over and over and over and over again.  :) 

So I'm trying to be more consistent about my posting, but it's obviously not working.  There are days when I just don't have the time, or can't get to a computer (or just don't feel like it), but I'm trying to make it all work out.

I sit around,
A black hat on my head,
Like a fedora,
Thinking.
What would it have been like?
What have I missed?
Sometimes I think I know,
Other times, it escapes me. 


--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"Upside down, Boy you turn me, inside out and round and round"

Well, that applies to other people more than me at Halloween :)  This Halloween, I dressed up as Boy George, and boy, did I get a reaction from the people in my town!  Everywhere I went, people were saying things like, "Let's have a little Culture Club," and "Oh, my God!  It's Boy George!  I love your costume!" and "I didn't think people knew about him anymore!" (this lady was almost screaming with delight) and "Let's hear you sing 'Karma Chameleon" and "Wow, Boy George.  I feel like I'm in a flashback to the 80's."

I loved it all, by the way.  I was totally ready to go along with what people were saying, and I got a lot of comments.  I loved being the one costume that everyone remembered.  This one woman had me wait outside her house while she went inside and called her husband to come take a look at me.  People were taking pictures and smiling and laughing a lot.  When this woman was jumping up and down in excitement and delight, I clapped my hands along with her and went "Whooo!"

As you can probably tell, I had a great time.  This was probably the best Halloween I've ever had.

Flesh-eaten corpses

Line the sidewalk

The day after Halloween

Half-eaten candies

Ghosts of costumes

Haunt the streets

The day after Halloween

Terrifying screams

Ring through the alleys

Scaring the birds to flight

The day after Halloween

Doors lock

People cry

The children fret at the windows

The day after Halloween

The sky turns black

The sun turns orange

The day after Halloween

--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"I was wandering in the rain/mask of life, feelin' insane"

What a way to start off a Monday!  Bitterly cold, wet, flurries of snowflakes--everything you need to have a good, long, cold, snow-filled, winter.  I'm being a little sarcastic, because the weather channel always predicts that there will be a lot of snow ("2 inches in the lower elevations, possibly reaching up to 6 inches of snow in the higher elevations...").  Blah blah blah.  If they actually took a look outside, they would notice that the temperature hasn't even hit 35 degrees Fahrenheit yet and that the moment the tiny snowflakes hit anything, they turn to little drops of water.  It's about as good as rain.  I don't know which is worse--or better.  What a way to start off a Monday...

In the more positive news, even though I'm in high school, and we all know high schoolers don't dress up for Halloween, I'm going to dress up this year.  I always have and always will (until I get to the point, probably in college, when I can't anymore).  That's just stupid to say that high schoolers are "too grown-up" and self-conscience of their image to go out publicly dressed as a bumble bee.  Just because we're in high school doesn't mean you can't skip out on all the fun of Halloween (and the candy, too).  That once you're in high school, it's not "cool" to dress up is just something middle schoolers who try to act all grown up say.  They just don't know, and won't know, until they actually reach high school and figure it out.  I won't mention what/who I'm going as for Halloween until Halloween or the day after.  I love my costume, but my makeup is the best part about it.

I recently signed up for talenthouse.com.  I don't know what I'm going to do on there yet, but I just signed up because I could.  I'll find a use for it...someday, I hope.

I was practicing with my makeup for Wednesday (for all of you who don't know, that's Halloween) and I scrubbed my face for two hours trying to get the stuff off.  It's still on there; I used an eyeliner pencil on my eyebrows, which was a mistake, because now the black eyeliner is plastered on my skin underneath my brows, and it won't come off, making them look extra, extra black.  I never wear makeup, so I still have traces of eyeliner in my eyelashes, making my eyes look darker and more dangerous-looking.  When I look in the mirror, I barely see myself, because the eyes are always what you look at in the mirror.  Oh well; I like looking strange anyway, so I guess this makeup thing isn't such a problem after all.  (You can probably tell I'm not used to makeup, just from the way I described this, haha.)

I don't know me anymore
The eyes that gaze back at me from that crooked glass
Do not belong in my head
They do not know me
As I do not know them
The day that winter began

--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"People say I'm crazy/I've got diamonds on the soles of my shoes"

I sing.  If you haven't looked at my profile, now you know.  I just love the music from the 60's, 70's, and 80's.  Diana Ross, Simon and Garfunkel, Michael Jackson, Culture Club, Cyndi Lauper, and Depeche Mode are some of my favorites.  My brother made this little poster for me:

Well, actually, with Depeche Mode and Cyndi Lauper, I only like a few of their songs, but those few songs have made it into my all-time favorites list: "Karma Chameleon," "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?", "Blasphemous Rumours," and "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun."  With Michael Jackson and Simon and Garfunkel, I know most of the songs by heart.  I like most of Culture Club's songs, and have fun singing them.  My parents like to put in earplugs, and my brother yells at me, but it doesn't bother me, because I love to sing.

A few years ago, when I was really into Michael Jackson, I had a lot of fun dressing like him.  I turned a pair of my sneakers into sequined shoes and went through a crazy let's-dress-completely-in-sequins-and-too-short-pants period where that's basically all I wore for weeks.

I love dressing up.  I've been doing it since I was old enough to choose my own clothes, but now that I'm in high school, I've toned it down a bit.  I do still dress up, though.  All the time.  I experiment with the hundreds of clothes I own.  My closet is filled, not with regular clothes, but rather with my "dress-up" outfits, of which I have many--too many, my mother complains, but I say you can never have too many extravagant outfits, and I know I'm right.

The flowers dance

Like playful children

Flying with the wind

The waves play

Their sweet violins

A symphony of nature

The Earth sobs

Like a child

Who has lost laughter

The sun smiles

Down upon acres

Of rolling hills

--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?"

In elementary and middle school, I was in a class where I was teased and made fun of for being slightly different.  Since then, I've learned to laugh at some of the things they said about me.  It helped develop in me my sense of humor that some people find unique.  I laugh at almost everything, even if it really isn't funny.  Like, come on, who said a panda pulling its fur out with its paws was funny?  I'm laughing even now.  But really, if you think about it the way I do, it is absolutely hilarious.

People have called me a strange bird.  But who ever said a bird was in any way strange?  Birds are birds.  A vulture, no matter how repulsing, is still the same as a beautiful red-breasted robin.  So what's the difference?  I know the answer to that quite well.  The reason a vulture is called a strange bird is because it has a reputation for being a nasty, carcass-eating bird of prey with an ugly bald head, while a robin is tiny and delicate and has beautiful colors, and who lays tiny blue eggs and sings a sweet song.

But enough about birds and how I'm a strange one, even though I am obviously NOT a bird.

Sometimes I can't forget what things were said back then.  Some comments, like "You'll never fit in" have still stuck with me.  But look, I can make anything funny, so that kid who said "You'll never fit in" actually ended up leaving the school because he was the one who didn't actually fit in.  That's true.  I'm not making it up.  (So haha to him, because I ended up winning the war even though I lost 98% of the battles!!)

When you laugh at me,

I know you don't mean well.

But when I laugh at you,

I laugh because you make me.

--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes

"I've got to be where my spirit can run free..."

I look different and people feel uncomfortable when they're around me.

Because you read the title, you probably think you know what this blog is about.

"Just an Unusual Girl."

Simple.  You're probably thinking that this is about how weird or strange I am, but I'm sorry to tell you that you're a little bit wrong.  You're right in thinking that I am a bit weird and strange--well, the title does say "unusual"--but because of that fact, I'm not going to lament about how I wish I was like all the other girls my age.  That just gets boring.  So I apologize to all of you who expect that.  That kind of thing just doesn't interest me.  I have enough going on in my own life to read about how annoying someone else's is.  Come on, do you really want to read about all that?  Unless someone's life is so spectacularly terrible that you just can't help wanting to know what happens every second of their blogging life and can't stay off their page, that subject so terribly tiresome.

I know I'm different.  I don't regret it.  I take pride in the fact that I'm different from all the rest.  And I'm not alone in being so.  There are plenty of celebrities that are strange (and by strange, I mean I admire them), mostly musicians, but those are the people I find I can relate to.

I'm interested in what no one else thinks is cool.  I love the music from the 60's, 70's, and 80's and think old British literature, like Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters, and British history is fascinating--especially King Richard III.  I also like to read a lot and write anything: stories, poetry, songs, and the like.  Music releases me from the craziness of everyday life and I love learning about my ancestry, something a lot of people don't really care about these days.  I was just born 30 years too early.

I don't mind that people think I'm weird.  I'm glad I can distance myself from my generation, because honestly, I don't have anything in common with them.  I relate more to my parents' generation in terms of music, and even my grandparents' generation involving literature.

I'm also going to use this blog to post some of the poetry I write.  I'll try to end every post with a poem I've written that I think ties in with the title of the post.

No one can hurt me now
I don't care what you think
I'm away from the world
I don't care what you say
Because I'm happy the way I am

--Emma Keynes

© 2012 Emma Keynes